Have you ever made a decision, and although you gave a reason for making that decision, it was actually weeks, months, or even years later that it made real sense as to why that decision was made by you. All of a sudden after a long time it suddenly hits you as you reflect on your decision.
Today it finally occurred to me. I chose the word “Kesario” for my project more than 2 years ago, and declared that the word Kesario signifies courage, valor, positive attitude, and the rising sun that ends darkness and the beginning of something better.
I left my job to work on this project that I would call Kesario, worked on it a for whole year, and then released it out to the public. Support for my cause was low, because honestly I was not offering something new with this site. It lacked elements of creativity in the user interface. Most people and even I found the interface rather plain and simple. But I kept at it, adding new things here and there, and kept hoping and kept thinking of ways that I could improve this.
People told me, “Oh you will give up in a month” a week after launch. This was a person who I considered a friend of mine who said this knowing that I had worked on this project for a year.
Others said, ‚ÄúWhy should I use your site. What am I getting out of it” – again, a friend.
“Your site sucks. No one cares about it and no one will” – again, a friend.
“Why don‚Äôt you get a real job?”- Again, a friend.
These are just few of the remarks I got. A lot of people mocked at my attempt to create something saying it was the stupidest mistake I had ever made, waiting for the time when I finally would give up. I started to get frustrated and began to lose hope. I started reading books, watching videos and listening audios on self development, about the metaphysical, psychology and more. All these attempts would push my energy into the positive and after a while pull me back 2 steps.
This was until I decided to keep pushing up with tremendous emotional intensity until I have pushed myself over the edge and not leave a chance to fall back into the pit. This was 2 days ago, after an argument with a friend of mine who said, “No one gives a F#%K about Kesario, and why should they”.
Today when I went for my morning jog, which I had started doing 2 weeks ago, I had a revelation. I started feeling euphoric about life itself. I always told people, ‘life itself is the greatest gift of life’, and I understood it without deeply feeling its meaning.
I looked back at what I had done and what I was doing. I had the courage to leave my job amidst economic downturns, I spent a year developing this site, and even when the outcome did not meet my expectations I kept looking for ways to make it happen.
Today I finally realized that I am a Kesario! I had become on the inside what I had set out to create on the outside. Maybe Kesario was a need for me to become more of what I am from the inside which was much greater than the want to create a site, a product or an idea on the outside.
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